I am feeling a little optimistic at the moment. Call me crazy but I actually am relieved that my doctor has told me that I may have Graves’ or Hashimotos disease.
Why? Because it is a treatable disease, and I have something tangible that may help change perception about my illness.
Being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia a year after I had Subacute Thyroditis was a let down. I knew that I would find it very difficult to get answers. What I have learned is that there is no magic cure for Fibromyalgia. You just deal with it. My doctor was fairly supportive, my parents were fabulous, my husband tolerated it but there were other people around me who didn’t offer support or show me any kind of grace.
There were many times that I was unable to cook dinner for example, and my husband had to take over the kitchen department because I was always too sore. There were weeks that my parents had to take my daughter to school because I was so fatigued that I was unable to leave the house. Other times I would stay in bed all day because I was both. And I got judged. I was judged for being lazy.
There will always be someone out there who will judge us. Family. Friends. Doctors. In-laws. Classmates. Team mates. Teachers. Employers. Other parents. Colleagues etc.
Knowing that these people thought that way towards me made me feel even more defeated and extremely depressed. Being in the same vicinity as these people felt awkward and made me even more upset. I could feel the tension and hear the eye-rolls. I was in pain. I was exhausted. All I wanted was support and understanding. It was already a huge effort just to get dressed and be there. My husband would do things for me because he understood that getting up and down was tiring for me. I think that made people more pissed off and judgmental. This lack of support and feeling of hopelessness made me feel so low that I started to become very distant. I stopped talking. I stopped seeing anybody. I even deleted my facebook for a while. I often thought about committing suicide. The only thing stopping me was the fact I couldn’t gather the energy to do it, and I didn’t want my kids to find me.
After extensive sessions with a psychiatrist, my husband and I took a leap of faith and moved interstate. It was the best decision we made. The depression went away, and the symptoms eased. I had more energy and I was able to cope with the pain better. I even went back to work for a while.
After a year of living in Brisbane, I started to feel overwhelmingly fatigued. I went to a local doctor to see if there was anything he could do to help. As soon as I mentioned “fibromyalgia” a wall went up. He said it was psychosomatic and there was nothing he could do to help and I walked out with an empty purse. I refused to accept this and made a mission to find a doctor who would help me.
Since then I have found two great GP’s who are 100% supportive and understanding. If you find one that is not supportive, don’t give up because there will be one who is. Google searches, forums and joining facebook support groups helped me find a great doctor who specialises in CFS/FMS in my city. I had to wait 3 months to see him but it was worth the wait.
I hope that this might comfort other sufferers out there that you are not alone.
Have you been judged, and how have you overcome it?
-Ash
